Gimmie the Free Stuff

Now this Presidential campaign rhetoric is getting a little too personal.

Mitt Romney has openly declared a war on “free stuff.” After being booed by the NAACP, he went out and told the press, "If they want free stuff, they should vote for the other guy."[1]

This is an attack on everything that makes America the greatest country on earth. If  there is one thing that I look forward to in America, it is free stuff.  I want free parking. I want free wi fi. Free love.  I want free happy hour appetizers. I want more buy-one-get-one-free deals.  I want free movies on the waterfront. Free flight upgrades. Most of all, I want free beer.  But generally speaking, if it is free, I want it.

And now …Mitt Romney has declared war on free stuff.  First-- he went to war on car top dogs. Then-- he started a war on women who resisted transvaginal ultrasound.  It has been just one war after another on things that I like.  I like dogs. I like women. I like ultrasound anywhere you can put it.  I like all that stuff and all kinds of other stuff so long as it is free.

Every day I get on the web and search for my daily supply of free stuff. I usually go the the free stuff aggregator Absurdly Cool. Try it out yourself. Click on http://absurdlycool.com/. You can even get free toilet paper at that web site. Another good place to load up on free stuff is www.freestufftimes.com/. There you can even get a free "Gospel According to Jesus" book, one of my favorites.

But now Mitt says “If you want free stuff, vote for the other guy, not me.”

And here I was all set to vote for Mitt. I even signed the Grover Norquist  pledge to never ever vote for anyone who tried to close a tax loophole. But now this new Romney war on free stuff is really testing my loyalty.

I am caught on the horns of a dilemma. Below is a picture of me just before I got caught on the horns of the cliche.

On the other hand, I am not seeing a whole lot of free stuff being offered to me by Obama. Oddly enough, most of the free stuff seems to be coming from the other side.

Such as, lower taxes. I don’t like having to pay my fair share of keeping the country afloat. I want subsidies for coal and ethanol and other fossil fuels so I can pollute the planet without having to pay a single dime for the damage I do. The air and water is free so let's burn up the ecosphere like there is no tomorrow.   All those police, firemen, air traffic controllers, army, navy, air force, and marine people protecting me …all should be free.


Lately, most of the big free stuff has been handed over to big banks so they could pay their executives huge salaries. For example, quantitative easing by the Federal Reserve, a two trillion dollar give away to banks.[2]

I want more free stuff, not less. I don't need a trillion, but I don't want Romney's zero free stuff plan either.

Who doesn’t like freebies?

Does anyone really think that the big dudes financing the Romney campaign, like the Kochs and Sheldon Adelson, don’t want some free stuff when they win the White House?

PUHLEESE!  Good Gookamuka!

Romney's Plan for the White House

They paid enough already to get  a FREE 4-year lease to the oval office, at least.

So what the heck is this war on free stuff all about?

Someone enlighten me.  Please.


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[1.] The full quote is "But I hope people understand this, your friends who like Obamacare, you remind them of this, if they want more stuff from government tell them to go vote for the other guy — more free stuff."
[2] See: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/blogs/taibblog/romneys-free-stuff-speech-is-a-new-low-20120713#ixzz20tReleBS

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