First Check the Trees

Caution! Today's blog is not for the squeamish. If you are a liberal, stop now and do not read further.

Your normal blogster is indisposed today--unable even to blog...due to an epic hangover.  So he asked me, an anonymous trusted confidante and expert on food, hunting, mineral extraction, philosophy, auto-mechanics, and women’s health issues, to write today's blog. I will try to maintain the same scholarly standards as Ed does in his usual blogs (but without all those pesky footnotes.)

I relish the opportunity to contribute to this popular blog because I have been closely following the political primary contests and I have a couple of important things to say about that.

I started off today with some cheesy grits for breakfast.  Luckily, I did not think about Jack Kennedy trying to pretend like the church and government are not one and the same, or I would have thrown up all over the grits. Maybe choked to death.

Then,  after breakfast, what does your average red-blooded American man do? Go hunting of course! What else? There is only one thing better than hunting small varmints, and that is firing people. I LOVE to fire people. But, lacking any employees, it's back to hunting for me.

No problem. My favorite prey: small liberal varmints.

So...I said a few Hail Marys, administered corporeal punishment to my wife, my kids, and my girl friend, gobbled down the cheesy grits with bacon and red-eye gravy, pulled on my sweater vest, duct taped my favorite hunting dog to the roof of my Humvee, and went out to track down the elusive small liberal varmint.

Now the first thing you have to do when hunting varmints of any kind is-- naturally -- check the height of the trees.  If you are in an area where the trees are too high or too short, you can forget the whole idea of finding any varmints.

Liberal

Now here is where the problem comes in. I couldn't drive too far in search of the right trees because that durn Obama is pushing gas prices right through the roof, delaying approval of all those Canadian oil pipelines we so desperately need. He won't let anyone drill for oil in the ground, the tundra, or even the Gulf of Mexico anymore either.   My little Humvee takes about $300 every time I hit the pump these days, and Mr. President, I have a news flash for you---IT WON’T BURN ALGAE! 

Thank YOU for ruining my morning of hunting, Mr. Pseudo-Intellectual Harvard-Educated Eurotrash Teleprompter-Reading Job-Killing Gay-Marriage-loving auto company-bail-outing entrepreneur-hating socialist President. YOU are a FAILED PRESIDENT!  And everybody knows it.

I don’t know how in Hell Mrs. Romney can keep on driving ANY of her Cadillacs with Obama jacking gas prices up like this day after day.  She will end up like this poor thing pictured below---desperate for a ride----  if Obama keeps up with this algae stuff.

Resourceful American Deals with Gas  Price Crisis

This is what we get for electing a job-killing, Taliban-loving, Muslim teleprompter failed President.  And one with a fake birth certificate to boot.  It's a damn good thing the Supremes finally allowed multinational corporations to buy American votes. After the election we can put an end to this nonsense and get gas prices down to where they belong--$2.50 a gallon--cheaper than water-- like they used to be.

Meanwhile, back to the important matter at hand. Our country is plagued by filthy sex-crazed law school sluts. This is the main thing wrong with our educational system today. Most of them are gay, most likely. And that being the case--I ask you--why do they need so much subsidized birth control?

It's another mystery of modern life.

I am sick and tired of all these liberal floozies running amok in our top-rated law schools.  It is driving us all to the poorhouse....feminazi sex maniacs just gobbling up free birth control pills like they were M&Ms and using condoms as decorations for their pathetic little law school sorority parties.

The cause of all this is obviously Planned Parenthood.  Parenthood cannot be planned for God's sake! Parenthood in its best form is something that gets started by hot teenagers in the back seat of a car, and any group that tries to PLAN THAT is 100% anti-American.

If they keep this sluttiness up, I want to see EVERYTHING on film, including their law boards.  It's my tax money and I want to get something for it.

What Law School Looks Like in America today

So I am asking all of America's hottest law school sluts to send me videos showing EXACTLY what they do with the condoms, text books, and birth control pills we taxpayers are footing the bills for.  The more explicit the better.  I will get Ed to post everything on his blog as soon as he gets back from the massage parlor.

Law school was nothing like that back in my day. I had more condoms than I needed.  I wish I had needed more, but what with all that annoying studying and memorizing cases, and all...never mind.

 The only way out of this immoral mess is transvaginal ultrasound, as proposed earlier this month in the Virginia legislature.

Transvaginal Rush

Rush Limbaugh has already signed up to administer this delicate procedure.  An aspirin between your knees isn't going to help you when the Rushster comes a-calling with his vaginal ultrasound device.

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